Kinda crazy, kinda me.

So, I haven't blogged in FOREVER! Because of this, I have many many many things to talk about! This post may be a little crazy and out of the blue, but that's kind of how I am right now.

Hmm, what to talk about first. I want to keep the sappy things for the end because I know I'll cry and I won't be able to finish this post. So first, school. I'm almost done with my junior year! I can't believe it! I'm pretty much a senior, as this is our last day of school, but I can't quite grasp that concept. I'm mostly excited for next year because my classes are so easy. I'm only taking Government and Soc/Psych, that's it. The rest are electives. I can't wait to be with my favorite teachers all of my morning classes.

Last summer was the time of my life. I have so many great memories with my friends. I went to Cedar Pointe for a whole day and I spent the rest of my time at home with my friends doing anything and everything. This summer will be completely different. I have to babysit Monday-Friday all day. I won't have time to do things with my friends. I know I'll have the weekends and everything, but it's just going to be different from last year. I'm definitely going to miss out on a lot of things because I won't be able to go places over night. I'm going to be making a lot of money, but I think that's just going to make me want to spend it all at one time.

My saddest and final point, the seniors I'll be missing. I can't believe they're going to be gone. There are so many people I'll be missing next year, I don't know what I'll do. I've grown so close to my senior friends. I have so many good memories with them. I know I can always go see some in Findlay whenever I can, and I'll be able to walk down the street to see another, but it's just going to be sad not seeing them in the hallway. These girls have basically become my sisters. I love them so much and I can't wait to see them again.

I want I want I want I want....

So, I usually don't post about things like clothes or makeup or things like that. It's usually just what's happening in my life, but today, I just felt like posting about this. :)

Since it is basically spring already with all of the beautiful weather, I have been wearing shorts every day. But since it's just the beginning of the season, I haven't really gotten around to shopping for my summer wardrobe. Here are some things I really think I need:

Colored shorts!! I've seen the colored jeggings throughout winter, and it really makes me want colored shorts.

Floral dress!! For the dressier occasions throughout the summer, like weddings or church.

I know these were in last summer, but I don't see these going out of style.

I just saw a post for this today, and I've decided it will be a necessity. It's mostly for those summer days when you don't feel like putting on a ton of makeup just to be with friends.

Well, that's pretty much it..
P.S. I'm sorry for my last post, I just really needed to vent to someone. My friends don't exactly know what I have to deal with, but they've experienced some things pretty close. I love you guys. :)

Merppp.....

So, for those of you who don't know me and are wondering what the heck a "merp" is, it is a word you can  use in any situation. It means, "Well this is awkward," or, "I'm sad,"or, "MERP! I'm so happyyyy!" Anything you want it to mean.. In this situation, it means I'm mad.

I am in my school's Honors English class and it is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I wasn't expecting it at the beginning of the year and now that I am 3/4 of the way through the year, I'm regretting taking it. I've been failing since the beginning of February because our teacher makes us memorize Latin and Greek prefixes and roots. Because of this, my father took my phone away and I couldn't get it back until I got a C. Well now I have a D+ and I am doing everything I can to get my grade up.

I'm also really mad because I don't really like my father very much. My parents got divorced when I was a year old and ever since I've had to put up with him. All through elementary school, he never really said much about seeing me and wanting to be a part of my life. And now that I am in High School, all of a sudden he wants to see me every week and wants me to let him know what I'm doing every second of every day. He's so annoying. And then, he's just rude. I have no room to say that he is a terrible father because he has tried to help me with whatever I need, but since I live with my mom (whom I love more than anything in the world). But when he talks to me, he makes me feel stupid. Like he always knows what's going on through my life because "he was a kid once, too." Okay, that meant something COMPLETELY different back in 1980. It's just annoying how he thinks I am some terrible child who goes out and parties ever weekend and gets in so much trouble all the time. I can honestly say that if I did half the things he did as a kid, I would be in jail. I'm tired of him thinking I am so much like him, because I'm not. My mom and I are exactly alike.

And did you know that when I told him I had gotten my first boyfriend, he YELLED at me?! He accused me of "sneaking around" because I hadn't told him I liked this boy. He said he didn't want me to be "sneaking around" and going to parties with this boy and then getting drunk, having sex, and getting pregnant. THANKS DAD! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I FREAKING LOVE YOU TOO! Gahhh.... He just gets on my nerves soooo much. I hate him. I really don't want him in my life.

All he does is boss me around and try to run my life. He is trying to tell me what my classes should be senior year. Okay, it's my last year of High School, I don't want to take a lot of hard classes and have it ruin my GPA. He wants me to take Honors English, Honors Government, Honors Calculus, Honors Soc and Psych (even though I'm already taking that). And on top of all that, he wants me to do this Dual Enrollment thing where you go to a college campus for half of your day. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHILE STILL TAKING ALL OF THESE CLASSES!! I'm sorry, but I'm a kid. I know I can get good grades when I want to. I don't want to take all of these classes and have it bring down my GPA and now get accepted to the college I want. Merp...

AND THEN!! My sister is the worst of them all. She's technically my half sister, but she thinks she needs to be in my life alllllll the time!! She can be talking to me about something and I really have to think about what I'm going to say because I never know what she'll go tell my father. And my step-mom is like that, too. She just tries to be my mom, and I don't want her to be. I don't like that part of my family. I absolutely love my aunts and uncles on my father's side. And my cousins are the best cousins ever. One of them, Jonathan, was my best friend until I was about 6 or 7. We were inseparable. I just wish I didn't have to punish the rest of my family for the way I feel about my father.

But oh well. I guess I'll just push through another year with him and then I'll be out of here. Never to talk to him again, except at family gatherings. I just can't wait to go to college and not have to worry about what he wants me to do. I'll be independent.

(This post was originally supposed to be about how ready I am for college, but once I get on a roll, I can't stop.)

I love myself the way I am..

I love myself the way I am because I know I have my flaws, but then again, so does everyone else. I love myself the way I am because no one else can be just like me. I will always have one unique thing about me that sets me apart from the rest of the world. (Hence the name, I'm not one of them..)

My life is perfect just the way it is. I know there are things I want to change and things I want to happen in the future, but there's no rush. The life I live now is just what any 16-year-old girl wants. I like being young and crazy with my friends, and no one can take that away.

I've often thought about what my life would be like if I didn't have the friends I have today. What if we had never met? What if I had gone to a different school? Would I act the way I do today? And the answer is no. Without the people I see every second of every day, I would be lost. I don't know how my life could go on. I know that if I had went to a different school, I would act completely different. I act the way I do because of my friends. I'm not a follower, but I'm definitely not a leader. There are things in life that can tear you down, but there are people in life that will lift you back up. My life would be nothing without the people who lift me back up.

Soo.. It's been a long time since I've blogged. I haven't really had much to write about. Now I do.

I've always been interested in style and beauty and things, but I've never really had the money or body to wear whatever I want. When I see something on Pinterest it always makes me wonder what it would look like on my body.

I see people wearing scarves. I absolutely love wearing scarves. I'm actually wearing one right now. I would wear a scarf every day if I could, but sadly, I only have about three. I have a larger chest, so when I wear a scarf I feel like people don't notice it as much. I can wear a low-cut top and a scarf so I'm not constantly worrying about what people are looking at.

I also love skinny jeans, though I can't always wear them. I have one pair that are kind of big at the bottom, and that bugs me. I want skinny jeans that will fit around my waist, hide my love-handles, but still be tight at the bottom. I have also been obsessed with colored pants, but my school is small enough that everyone would think I was weird.. Sure there are some people around school who wear red skinny jeans. I absolutely love them, but people who wear them are either rebelious and are expected to wear something bright and stand-out-ish or they are popular and anything they wear will be cute and everyone will love them. I just feel like if I were to wear something different, people would think I was just looking for attention.

I really like to do different things to my hair. I love curling my hair, but when I do it never stays throughout the day. I straighten my hair almost every day, and I feel like that gets monotonous. I would curl my hair more often, but then I have to wake up an hour earlier just so I can get it done. And when I have to wake up at 5:30, my mom gets mad when I "intrude" on her bathroom space. She always says she wants me to curl my hair more often and look nice, but when I do she doesn't like me in her area. She confuses me.

I do my nails two or three times a week. I can't stand seeing my nails completely bare for more than a day. When I get on Pinterest, there are always so many things I could do to my nails to jazz them up, but when I try it, they don't turn out right. I just wish there was an easy way I could do my nails and make them different. And, when I do my nails they always chip the day after I do them. I've tried finding tricks online that could help prevent that, but nothing seems to work. My friend told me about a different way, though. She told me to soak my nails in vinegar once I get my old nail polish off, use Nail Envy by OPI as a base coat, use whatever color, use a top coat, and then once they are completely dry soak them in ice water. I don't know how this will work, but I hope it does. I want long, perfectly square nails. That is my dream.

Sometimes I just feel like coming to school in an extreme outfit, just to see what people say. I want to wear yellow skinny jeans with a grey long-sleeve and a black scarf and black high heels. I know that wouldn't be the ideal outfit for school, but I feel like it would get me noticed. One of my biggest fears is not being remembered from high school. I just hope that doesn't happen.

I am loved..

I don't have a boy to talk to anymore. But it's okay. I've realized I don't need a boy in my life to make me happy. I have family and friends who love me.

My friends are always there for me and would do anything for me. I recently figured out who my true friends are and truth is, I'd been pushing one away for absolutely no reason. But I love her enough to not want to let her go, so I apologized and now my day can be right again. My friends are always the ones who brighten my life. They know how to turn my day from crappy to happy the moment I talk to them. It just makes me feel so much better knowing that they are the ones waiting with their arms open as I cry. I trust every one of them enough to tell them everything. I couldn't imagine my life without them in it every single day.

I don't know what I'd do without my family. As I sit here typing, I realize how much my mother has influenced my life. She is the one person who knows all of my secrets. When something happens, she is the one I go to, good or bad. We can talk for hours about anything in the world. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she makes me mad, she makes me smile. She is the most amazing mother a person could ask for. I can only wish that when I'm old enough to have children, I can be half the perfect mother she has taught me to be. She is the only person I would ever want helping me in the rest my life's problems. I know I could never surpass her greatness, but she will teach me well, I know she will.

The rest of my family is important, too. Some of my family overlaps into my friends. There are a few of my cousins that I tell everything to just because I know they wouldn't tell anyone, or anyone who cares. There are times when I miss them, but that is why I'm thankful for the holiday season. I have cousins that live in St. Louis and cousins that live in Las Vegas, so Christmas and summer break is about the only time I get to see them. My aunt and uncle that live in St. Louis are just like a second - or third - set of parents to me. I know they would do anything for me, no matter the situation. They treat me like I'm the same little girl they've always known. They know the innocence that is deep within me, no matter what I look like on the outside. I never want them to leave my life. I just don't know what I'd do with myself.

I'm sitting here crying because I finally realize how much I am loved, by family and friends. I will never be alone no matter where I go. I love my life, and there is nothing that could take that away from me.

Update!!

As I sit here bored, I realize it's been a while since I've posted. Not too much has happened.. Well mostly just one thing actually....

I think I like someone.. Emphasis on the think.... He's a really nice guy, but he used to be kind of creepy... He would text me sometimes and try to get me to hang out with him when we've never talked before.. A few months ago, I just realized that I liked a different guy, but as always, he likes my friend.. Every single guy I have liked, she has taken away because she is such a flirt. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but she has a boyfriend and she flirts with all these people and she "doesn't even know it." I don't understand how she doesn't know, but that's what she claims. Whatever.
Back to this guy. He used to be a creep and weird and all, but I've talked to him for about a week now and he seems nice.. I'm just afraid, though, because he acts just like my ex. My friends didn't like my ex at all and they've heard me talk about this guy before and they think he's weird... So I'm kind of keeping this to myself and a few others.. I know it makes me sound superficial, but yes, it's embarrassing because he's known around the school as a creepy weirdo.. But he is really nice.. And I like having someone to talk to... We're trying to find a time to hang out, but I don't know when. Fridays there's usually a basketball game and Saturdays I like to be with my friends.. Oh well.. We'll see where it goes..