Merppp.....

So, for those of you who don't know me and are wondering what the heck a "merp" is, it is a word you can  use in any situation. It means, "Well this is awkward," or, "I'm sad,"or, "MERP! I'm so happyyyy!" Anything you want it to mean.. In this situation, it means I'm mad.

I am in my school's Honors English class and it is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I wasn't expecting it at the beginning of the year and now that I am 3/4 of the way through the year, I'm regretting taking it. I've been failing since the beginning of February because our teacher makes us memorize Latin and Greek prefixes and roots. Because of this, my father took my phone away and I couldn't get it back until I got a C. Well now I have a D+ and I am doing everything I can to get my grade up.

I'm also really mad because I don't really like my father very much. My parents got divorced when I was a year old and ever since I've had to put up with him. All through elementary school, he never really said much about seeing me and wanting to be a part of my life. And now that I am in High School, all of a sudden he wants to see me every week and wants me to let him know what I'm doing every second of every day. He's so annoying. And then, he's just rude. I have no room to say that he is a terrible father because he has tried to help me with whatever I need, but since I live with my mom (whom I love more than anything in the world). But when he talks to me, he makes me feel stupid. Like he always knows what's going on through my life because "he was a kid once, too." Okay, that meant something COMPLETELY different back in 1980. It's just annoying how he thinks I am some terrible child who goes out and parties ever weekend and gets in so much trouble all the time. I can honestly say that if I did half the things he did as a kid, I would be in jail. I'm tired of him thinking I am so much like him, because I'm not. My mom and I are exactly alike.

And did you know that when I told him I had gotten my first boyfriend, he YELLED at me?! He accused me of "sneaking around" because I hadn't told him I liked this boy. He said he didn't want me to be "sneaking around" and going to parties with this boy and then getting drunk, having sex, and getting pregnant. THANKS DAD! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I FREAKING LOVE YOU TOO! Gahhh.... He just gets on my nerves soooo much. I hate him. I really don't want him in my life.

All he does is boss me around and try to run my life. He is trying to tell me what my classes should be senior year. Okay, it's my last year of High School, I don't want to take a lot of hard classes and have it ruin my GPA. He wants me to take Honors English, Honors Government, Honors Calculus, Honors Soc and Psych (even though I'm already taking that). And on top of all that, he wants me to do this Dual Enrollment thing where you go to a college campus for half of your day. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHILE STILL TAKING ALL OF THESE CLASSES!! I'm sorry, but I'm a kid. I know I can get good grades when I want to. I don't want to take all of these classes and have it bring down my GPA and now get accepted to the college I want. Merp...

AND THEN!! My sister is the worst of them all. She's technically my half sister, but she thinks she needs to be in my life alllllll the time!! She can be talking to me about something and I really have to think about what I'm going to say because I never know what she'll go tell my father. And my step-mom is like that, too. She just tries to be my mom, and I don't want her to be. I don't like that part of my family. I absolutely love my aunts and uncles on my father's side. And my cousins are the best cousins ever. One of them, Jonathan, was my best friend until I was about 6 or 7. We were inseparable. I just wish I didn't have to punish the rest of my family for the way I feel about my father.

But oh well. I guess I'll just push through another year with him and then I'll be out of here. Never to talk to him again, except at family gatherings. I just can't wait to go to college and not have to worry about what he wants me to do. I'll be independent.

(This post was originally supposed to be about how ready I am for college, but once I get on a roll, I can't stop.)