So, remember that diet that was supposed to happen? Yeah, I fail. I said I was only going to eat junk food one day a week, well that was Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and today. I've still been eating less than what I used to so maybe it will still work. I want to go work out sometime this week, but I don't know if I can. I have been so overwhelmed with homework and musical practice for 3 hours every night. I might go Wednesday, maybe. We'll see how that goes.
Another reason I don't like my life: guys. I try my best to flirt with guys, I really do. But they're always either taken or way too good for me. I've come to decide that guys don't talk to me because of my weight and the way I look. That sounds really bad, but I know it's true. I just wish it was easier for me to lose weight so I could talk to guys all the time and have a boyfriend all the time. I hate writing about guys because I could go on and on about it. I also don't want to sound desperate, but I pretty much am. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year. Gr. I'm done talking about boys.
I also don't like school. No. I hate school. Why do we have to do homework? It's pointless. Can't we just do it in class?
Anatomy study guide and chapter questions are basically the only grades I get in that class except for tests. If I don't do good on those, it lowers my grade like crazy because the tests are extremely hard.
In history, we have to type 20 vocab per chapter for 5 chapters. 100 vocab. I just started today. I have 16 done. Screw my life.
Pre-Calc isn't too hard for me, it just takes too long. It takes me at least an hour to do 30 questions for homework. Of course I'm not going to do that with all of this other homework I have.
English is my worst class this year. Our teacher is super hard and he assigns at least 2 essays due a week. I usually end up staying up until midnight doing it. We also have to memorize about a million and a half latin and greek prefixes and suffixes. I think we're having a test in a few weeks, but I don't know because he doesn't tell us anything. Gr.
Not to mention Model United Nations. It's a group at our school where we basically go to a college with a problem topic and a country and we have to find a solution to this problem topic. For the college we're going to first, we have to write a position paper about our country and what we plan to do to fix this. This is our first year we're actually taking this group serious. It's crazy. So on top of all of my other homework tonight, I have to write a position paper.
The only thing that gets me through is my friends and family. My friends are always there for me and I know I can go talk to my mom about anything. I just wish this year was easier. I wish I could just skip forward to where I'm out of school and I have a job and a family of my own and I don't have to worry about stuff like this anymore... Oh well. I'll live I guess..
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
English
My Junior English grade sucks. I have been failing that class since the first day of school. Our teacher told us read two books over the summer, only instead of reading the right two books, I read about six wrong ones. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love reading, but I only want to read when the book is something I would like. I don't like it when people tell me what to read, especially "classic novels." That phrase means old, boring, and hard to understand. I just want to be able to read my own books on my own time.
The second week of school, we had tests over those two books. Guess who failed both tests. Me. Guess who doesn't want to be in AP anymore. Me. Also, today we have a test over the seven short stories we have read thus far. He is letting the CP and regular english use their notes and study guides on their tests. Not us. He thinks because we're in the AP class that we're smarter. No. Over half of the class is failing. But whatever. It's his last year teaching so he probably doesn't even care. I love him as a person, but he is a terrible teacher.
The second week of school, we had tests over those two books. Guess who failed both tests. Me. Guess who doesn't want to be in AP anymore. Me. Also, today we have a test over the seven short stories we have read thus far. He is letting the CP and regular english use their notes and study guides on their tests. Not us. He thinks because we're in the AP class that we're smarter. No. Over half of the class is failing. But whatever. It's his last year teaching so he probably doesn't even care. I love him as a person, but he is a terrible teacher.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I've come to a conclusion..
I've come to a conclusion that I'm overweight.
I've come to a conclusion that I need to lose weight.
I've come to a conclusion that it will be hard, but I can push through it.
Almost everyday I hear people calling me fat and I've finally decided I'm going to do something about it. I see all of these people walking around with their boyfriends and their tiny little clothes. I want that. I want to be able to fit into a size 8. Not 14. I don't like shopping for that reason. I hate walking around looking fat and hearing people talk about me behind my back.
I want to lose weight so bad, but I don't think people realize how hard it is for me to do that. I don't like exercising, but I guess i can get over it.
Gahhh.. Why can't it be easy?! Wish me luck!
I've come to a conclusion that I need to lose weight.
I've come to a conclusion that it will be hard, but I can push through it.
Almost everyday I hear people calling me fat and I've finally decided I'm going to do something about it. I see all of these people walking around with their boyfriends and their tiny little clothes. I want that. I want to be able to fit into a size 8. Not 14. I don't like shopping for that reason. I hate walking around looking fat and hearing people talk about me behind my back.
I want to lose weight so bad, but I don't think people realize how hard it is for me to do that. I don't like exercising, but I guess i can get over it.
Gahhh.. Why can't it be easy?! Wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Girls....
So this is kind of what's been on my mind the past few days. Girls. Why do you have to be so stupid about things?! Like when someone tells you that you're trashy, usually that's a sign. Like, "Hey. Maybe I should wear a tank top under a see through shirt instead of just wearing a white bra!" And if I see one more body part from this person because her clothes are so tight and small, I think I might just rip them off her body. I mean, come on! We are in HIGH SCHOOL! If we were all strippers I would completely understand. But no. And when you're an overweight person, don't wear skin tight clothes. I'm overweight and my clothes fit me! I don't wear tight short shorts to school, especially in the winter! When it's cold outside, wear pants. Simple as that.
Another thing that happened this week. There's this girl at school, let's call her Ashley, she has been talking crap about my best friend with my other friends. Okay. Obviously they're going to tell us. It's not like we don't talk. And to top it all off, she is still mad about something that happened, literally, 4 months ago! GET OVER IT!!! Her only argument of why she's mad is because it "ruined her life." We're in high school. When you go off to college, no body will ever remember what happened in high school. Ever! Nobody remembers now!!
Well now that all of that is out of my system, I can have a good night's sleep. (:
Another thing that happened this week. There's this girl at school, let's call her Ashley, she has been talking crap about my best friend with my other friends. Okay. Obviously they're going to tell us. It's not like we don't talk. And to top it all off, she is still mad about something that happened, literally, 4 months ago! GET OVER IT!!! Her only argument of why she's mad is because it "ruined her life." We're in high school. When you go off to college, no body will ever remember what happened in high school. Ever! Nobody remembers now!!
Well now that all of that is out of my system, I can have a good night's sleep. (:
Monday, October 17, 2011
Kate
Kate Maree Bauer. She's my best friend. Forever and always. We've been together since we were in diapers. She means so much to me and I hope in this post I can tell you how truly amazing she is.
Let's start in our early years. We went to the same babysitter and, from what I've been told, we were inseparable, except when she would bite me because I took her blanky. (True story) We went to the same preschool and all I remember from kindergarten is being so excited that she was going to the same school as I was. Now, my mom did a very mean thing to me while I was in elementary school. She told the principal not to put us together because "I needed to find more friends." Whatever. With a friend like her, you don't need anyone else. But, as time went on we grew apart, found new friends, and hated each other at some point in time. Especially in second grade when we had accidentally been placed in the same class.
When fifth grade finally came around, we were best friends again. Ever since we have always been friends. We may have grown apart at times, but we never fought. I would go to her house and she would "get mad" at me and her mom would offer to take me home at 3 am. But I would never leave. I was always there for her, just like she was there for me. We began being known around the school as twins. We looked nothing alike, but acted like the same person, sometimes. She was always louder and, well, meaner than I was. She was the kind of person who could say you were ugly to your face and not feel mean about it, and then I was there telling her to stop being mean and she would apologize.
Time went on, life went on, and before you know it we're going to Washington DC for a school trip in eighth grade. We were in the same group, of course. That summer was the first time we went on our shopping trips. We would go to an outlet mall for a weekend and spend all the money we could afford. I don't think we started getting as close as we are now until the end of last year as sophomores. This was one of the years, though, when she started talking more to one of our other friends, Taylor, and I would talk to my other friend, Lizzy, more. She was still my friend, but we weren't that close. Towards the end of the year we had grown closer because we went on a choir trip to Disney World and Taylor and Lizzy didn't go. I think that was the one thing that made us as close as we are today.
By the time school got out, we already had plans for the summer. We saw each other at least once a week. We created our Monday Pow-Wows and I stayed at her house all the time. Her brother became mine and my brother became hers. I went to her lake for a weekend and had the time of my life. I also went to Cedar Point with her and her family and my mom. It was always good that our moms were friends, too. If something bad happened to one of us, they would call the other and talk for hours. That was another thing that brought us closer. When I got cut from the volleyball team, I asked my mom if I could stay at Kate's house and she only said yes because she knew I needed someone to lean on. She knew Kate was the one and only person in my life I could tell everything to and not hold back. She's the one and only person in my life that will tell me who I should and shouldn't talk to. She is the one and only person I want in my life until I die.
And as I sit here crying because I finally realize how much she means to me, I just don't think the rest of the world sees her the same way I do. I told my parents I wanted to go to college with her and they basically called me stupid and petty. I don't care what they say. We have been together for 16 years. Nothing can get in the way of that. We share a bond that is hard to find. There is no way I can just throw that away because we want to go to two different schools. And even if we do go to different schools, I would have to see her every weekend or I would literally cry myself to sleep at night. There would be no possible way of moving on without her.
Now before you call me obsessed, crazy, or a lesbian, you need to realize that that's just the way we are. We touch each other's butts and talk about dirty things without any awkwardness. She's my best friend, my sister, my twin. There is nothing more I can say.
Let's start in our early years. We went to the same babysitter and, from what I've been told, we were inseparable, except when she would bite me because I took her blanky. (True story) We went to the same preschool and all I remember from kindergarten is being so excited that she was going to the same school as I was. Now, my mom did a very mean thing to me while I was in elementary school. She told the principal not to put us together because "I needed to find more friends." Whatever. With a friend like her, you don't need anyone else. But, as time went on we grew apart, found new friends, and hated each other at some point in time. Especially in second grade when we had accidentally been placed in the same class.
When fifth grade finally came around, we were best friends again. Ever since we have always been friends. We may have grown apart at times, but we never fought. I would go to her house and she would "get mad" at me and her mom would offer to take me home at 3 am. But I would never leave. I was always there for her, just like she was there for me. We began being known around the school as twins. We looked nothing alike, but acted like the same person, sometimes. She was always louder and, well, meaner than I was. She was the kind of person who could say you were ugly to your face and not feel mean about it, and then I was there telling her to stop being mean and she would apologize.
Time went on, life went on, and before you know it we're going to Washington DC for a school trip in eighth grade. We were in the same group, of course. That summer was the first time we went on our shopping trips. We would go to an outlet mall for a weekend and spend all the money we could afford. I don't think we started getting as close as we are now until the end of last year as sophomores. This was one of the years, though, when she started talking more to one of our other friends, Taylor, and I would talk to my other friend, Lizzy, more. She was still my friend, but we weren't that close. Towards the end of the year we had grown closer because we went on a choir trip to Disney World and Taylor and Lizzy didn't go. I think that was the one thing that made us as close as we are today.
By the time school got out, we already had plans for the summer. We saw each other at least once a week. We created our Monday Pow-Wows and I stayed at her house all the time. Her brother became mine and my brother became hers. I went to her lake for a weekend and had the time of my life. I also went to Cedar Point with her and her family and my mom. It was always good that our moms were friends, too. If something bad happened to one of us, they would call the other and talk for hours. That was another thing that brought us closer. When I got cut from the volleyball team, I asked my mom if I could stay at Kate's house and she only said yes because she knew I needed someone to lean on. She knew Kate was the one and only person in my life I could tell everything to and not hold back. She's the one and only person in my life that will tell me who I should and shouldn't talk to. She is the one and only person I want in my life until I die.
And as I sit here crying because I finally realize how much she means to me, I just don't think the rest of the world sees her the same way I do. I told my parents I wanted to go to college with her and they basically called me stupid and petty. I don't care what they say. We have been together for 16 years. Nothing can get in the way of that. We share a bond that is hard to find. There is no way I can just throw that away because we want to go to two different schools. And even if we do go to different schools, I would have to see her every weekend or I would literally cry myself to sleep at night. There would be no possible way of moving on without her.
Now before you call me obsessed, crazy, or a lesbian, you need to realize that that's just the way we are. We touch each other's butts and talk about dirty things without any awkwardness. She's my best friend, my sister, my twin. There is nothing more I can say.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Boys, boys, boys, boys, and more BOYS!
So I know that in my previous post, "Long time, no see" I mentioned boys. Well, I would like to elaborate on that a little. I already said I was alone, and I still am, but in a way, I think I might want to be.
I know I want someone to talk to and I want to have someone there for as long as they can be. I don't want to sound desperate, though. That is the one thing I don't want to do. I hate it when people go around feeling sorry for themselves because they don't have a guy by their side, but if you don't have a boyfriend, chances are, there's a reason why. I also don't want to be the kind of person who needs a man by her side all of her life. I can be independent when I want to be, but other times it's nice to have someone to lean on.
What kind of boy do I want, you ask? Well that's a good question. I'm not really too picky, but he needs to be funny and outgoing. There is no way I would ever date a person who is quiet and shy and doesn't talk. They wouldn't fit in with my friends and family and they would be completely opposite from me. I'm also not the kind of person who needs them to be the best looking. There are plenty of guys who I think are attractive and aren't the hottest guys I know.
The one thing that I love though, is a country boy. I love them covered in mud and driving a Ford. I'm also not the most country girl out there, but I love it out there. The wide open skies and all the things you can do. I love to ride four wheelers and I've always wanted to have horses. I also love the tall, dark, and handsome guy. I love it when guys do things for girls, like buy them flowers or take them on a special date. I guess these two things could be mixed into one. That would be the ideal man, for me at least.
I guess you could say I have high standards, but I'm not going to date just some boy next door. They need to be special. They need to stand out, but also need to be able to fit in with my family and friends. I just want it to happen fast! I'm tired of waiting! Why can't it happen just like it does in the movies, when I pass a note to a friend telling her who my crush is and he intercepts it and meets me outside a church? Or I find a nerdy guy and make him turn into someone much hotter and we ride off on his lawn mower? Or the bad boy at school is paid to ask me out and we seem to fall in love? Or I go away with my parents on vacation and meet a sexy dancer? Why can't my life be like a great 80's movie?
For now I'm just sitting here.. Waiting for the perfect guy to show up and sweep me off my feet.. (Yeah right)
I know I want someone to talk to and I want to have someone there for as long as they can be. I don't want to sound desperate, though. That is the one thing I don't want to do. I hate it when people go around feeling sorry for themselves because they don't have a guy by their side, but if you don't have a boyfriend, chances are, there's a reason why. I also don't want to be the kind of person who needs a man by her side all of her life. I can be independent when I want to be, but other times it's nice to have someone to lean on.
What kind of boy do I want, you ask? Well that's a good question. I'm not really too picky, but he needs to be funny and outgoing. There is no way I would ever date a person who is quiet and shy and doesn't talk. They wouldn't fit in with my friends and family and they would be completely opposite from me. I'm also not the kind of person who needs them to be the best looking. There are plenty of guys who I think are attractive and aren't the hottest guys I know.
The one thing that I love though, is a country boy. I love them covered in mud and driving a Ford. I'm also not the most country girl out there, but I love it out there. The wide open skies and all the things you can do. I love to ride four wheelers and I've always wanted to have horses. I also love the tall, dark, and handsome guy. I love it when guys do things for girls, like buy them flowers or take them on a special date. I guess these two things could be mixed into one. That would be the ideal man, for me at least.
I guess you could say I have high standards, but I'm not going to date just some boy next door. They need to be special. They need to stand out, but also need to be able to fit in with my family and friends. I just want it to happen fast! I'm tired of waiting! Why can't it happen just like it does in the movies, when I pass a note to a friend telling her who my crush is and he intercepts it and meets me outside a church? Or I find a nerdy guy and make him turn into someone much hotter and we ride off on his lawn mower? Or the bad boy at school is paid to ask me out and we seem to fall in love? Or I go away with my parents on vacation and meet a sexy dancer? Why can't my life be like a great 80's movie?
For now I'm just sitting here.. Waiting for the perfect guy to show up and sweep me off my feet.. (Yeah right)
Cody Simpson!!
So.. Everyone knows Justin Bieber. What they don't know is that there is a new kid in town. Literally..
Cody Simpson. Tall, blonde, blue eyes, and oh so handsome. (:
Some may compare him to JB, but he is is his own person. Yes he sings and dances and is from another country, but he's not completely like him. You'll just have to hear him for yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-zDy7j7NVw&ob=av2e
Friday, October 14, 2011
Long time, no see...
My last post was on July 21. What's up with that?? Oh well. I'll just have to fill everyone in on what has happened in my life since then..
I got cut from my volleyball team.. I love volleyball. A LOT! But oh well. I guess I just wasn't good enough for them. So now I have gotten fatter and have had to go shopping of course, but it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.
All summer, I had "Monday Pow-Wows" with my best friend, Kate, and our brothers. We would go out to eat or make something for lunch. It was awesome. Once school started, I would go to her house on Tuesdays to watch Glee after our musical rehearsal. We also went to Cedar Point the weekend before school started. Between that and spending a weekend at the lake with her, I have definitely had the best summer ever.
While at the lake, I met a guy. Her cousin actually. He goes to my school, but I never realized how I liked him until that weekend. Apparently he left little flirty hints that he might like me, but I guess I didn't notice. Nobody even told me about it until after the weekend and I had already been acting like a total guy in front of him. Oh well. He knows the real me. I really liked him for a few weeks until all of a sudden, he wouldn't text me anymore, he wouldn't say hi to me, he wouldn't even make eye contact.. Was there something I did wrong? I didn't think so. We had connected on just about everything. We liked the same sports teams, liked the same movies, plus, he made me laugh. I don't know..
Oh well.. I guess I can always find another guy, but where? I have tried to find guys, and tried to talk to guys, but they never want to, or they are already talking to another girl. I guess what I'm trying to say (without being desperate) I NEED A BOYFRIEND!!!! It has been over a year since I have dated someone.
Gr....
Well now that I have vented to everyone, leave a comment and tell me what you think.. (:
I got cut from my volleyball team.. I love volleyball. A LOT! But oh well. I guess I just wasn't good enough for them. So now I have gotten fatter and have had to go shopping of course, but it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.
All summer, I had "Monday Pow-Wows" with my best friend, Kate, and our brothers. We would go out to eat or make something for lunch. It was awesome. Once school started, I would go to her house on Tuesdays to watch Glee after our musical rehearsal. We also went to Cedar Point the weekend before school started. Between that and spending a weekend at the lake with her, I have definitely had the best summer ever.
While at the lake, I met a guy. Her cousin actually. He goes to my school, but I never realized how I liked him until that weekend. Apparently he left little flirty hints that he might like me, but I guess I didn't notice. Nobody even told me about it until after the weekend and I had already been acting like a total guy in front of him. Oh well. He knows the real me. I really liked him for a few weeks until all of a sudden, he wouldn't text me anymore, he wouldn't say hi to me, he wouldn't even make eye contact.. Was there something I did wrong? I didn't think so. We had connected on just about everything. We liked the same sports teams, liked the same movies, plus, he made me laugh. I don't know..
Oh well.. I guess I can always find another guy, but where? I have tried to find guys, and tried to talk to guys, but they never want to, or they are already talking to another girl. I guess what I'm trying to say (without being desperate) I NEED A BOYFRIEND!!!! It has been over a year since I have dated someone.
Gr....
Well now that I have vented to everyone, leave a comment and tell me what you think.. (:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)